Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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