Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
