I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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