it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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