So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I am one with the molecules
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
