i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
