What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
