So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
