I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
