im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
