If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
