she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
