Who wears a wallet chain?!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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