he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
