Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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