A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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