She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
