Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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