belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
