He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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