Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
