Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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