I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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