Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
