u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
