Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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