Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
