She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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