my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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