Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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