I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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