Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
