Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
