Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
