people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize