The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
