saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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