At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
