I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
