omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
