Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
