The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
