Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
