Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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