There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
