My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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