Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
