Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
