If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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