were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
