It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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