He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
