I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
