bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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