Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
