he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
