Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
