True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The power of my boobs compel you
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
