I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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