in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
