I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
