I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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