Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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