Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
