yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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