U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
