I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
