you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
