you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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