i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize