I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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